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Archive for the ‘Relationship’ Category

Her

Even though it might not be realistic, I like its portrayal of the complexity (or simplicity?) of human emotions and relationships. I can imagine myself experiencing similar emotions.

Sometimes I think I’ve felt everything I’m ever gonna feel and from here on out I’m not going to feel anything new – just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt.

……

It was exciting to see her grow – both of us grow and change together. But then, that’s the hard part – growing without growing apart, or changing without it scaring the other person.

–Theodore

Life is messy, relationship even more so. It’s not a surprise that more and more people are choosing different ways of life. Japan could well be the pioneer.

In the end, there is only so much we understand. But for most people, This’s probably not an issue.

I don’t know, I’m not in it. But you know what, I can over-think everything and find a million ways to doubt myself. But since Charles left I’ve been thinking about that part of me, and I realized I’m here only briefly. And in my time here, I want to allow myself… joy. So fuck it.

–Amy

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New habits I like: blogging; Thai boxing; swimming

Travel to over 20 cities. The more memorable ones are places where I get to know new people, learn/try something new, or catch-up with existing friends.  

Highlights: property tour in Chengdu, Chongqing, and Sanya; business trip in Columbo, Mumbai, and Delhi; vacation in Rome and Florence; backpacking in Kunming, Lijiang, and Dali; guy trip to macau; catching up with friends in Singapore, Shanghai, and London; attending my best friend’s wedding in Maldives.

Reflect more on books I read. My favorites (in no particular order):

Other activities I enjoy: windsurfing, squid fishing, watch live soccer and rugby games (my takeaway: trying thing for the first time is often enjoyable, especially activities that involve learning new skills or something about yourself); hiking; snorkeling; basketball; coming up with names 

Relationship goes well. Traveling to another city just to catch up with good friends is definitely worth it; steady and peaceful family life with plenty of home cooked food and a nice Christmas dinner.

Finance also goes well. I like Jacob’s Early Retirement Extreme philosophy. Todd’s How Much Money Do I Need to Retire? is a good short guide on retirement planning.

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Ben Casnocha’s latest post has links to two articles on romance and marriages:The first Atlantic article reflects a woman’s view on marriage in the US, with a bit on personality vs. relationship as quoted in Ben’s post.

I like the second article more.  It’s a review on Nehring book, which urges people to “Let go of security and embrace the radical alertness that comes with the fullness of feeling.”

Meghan’s review made a point similar to my thoughts: whether you’ll be happy in a passionate or stable relationship depends on what types of person you are. They aren’t necessarily incompatible and there are different forms of love.

Passages I like:

There are many flaws in Nehring’s argument. For one thing, not everyone wants to lead a “heroic” life. Plenty of people in steadfast marriages may yearn for flashes of passion but prefer, ultimately, the repetitive pleasure of routine and domesticity, or get from their children the passionate expansion of vision Nehring believes romantic love offers us. Security needn’t mean a diminishment in passion; the transience of mortality can lend a long marriage the same sense of being at the brink that Nehring finds in the flamboyant suicidal gamesmanship of Goethe’s Young Werther. Think of the aging husband who cares for his dying wife. At times, too, Nehring seems to willfully ignore the dangerous side of vulnerability. Pursuing a difficult, unreachable guy is a sign of your own self-confidence and strength, she argues in an attack on cautionary self-help manuals like He’s Just Not That Into You. Perhaps. But it can also be a sign of your cluelessness. Finally, the suffering she extols can take too large a toll for some. As Nehring herself (melodramatically) notes, “As I write these words, I bear the bodily scars of a loss or two in love. I have been derailed by love, hospitalized by love, flung around five continents, shaken, overjoyed, inspired, unsettled.” But Nehring’s paean to unconventional ecstasy is a bracing reminder of how narrow and orthodox our vision of love has become—and how that in turn bequeaths us a vast swathe of “unsuccessful” relationships……Since when are longevity and frictionlessness, Nehring prompts us to ask, themselves a sign of “success”? The equitable marriage is a worthy goal, but it is hardly uncomplicated. Rationalizing desire is a quixotic quest, as everyone knows. But so, too, is trying to protect ourselves from “failure.” Instead, we might do as poet Jack Gilbert urges in these lines from “Failing and Flying”:

Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew. It’s the same when love comes to an end, or the marriage fails and people say they knew it was a mistake … But anything worth doing is worth doing badly. …I believe Icarus was not failing as he fell, but just coming to the end of his triumph.

 

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